What Should I Do If My Exboyfriend Says He Hates Me?

He Hates Me, He Hates Me Not

There is only one reason someone would say they hate you.

He is angry about something.

Now, anger is a confusing emotion, because it is actually a secondary emotion. It does not usually exist on its own. It is a reaction.

Usually, anger manifests as a reaction to feelings of pain or fear, pain or fear of feeling attacked, feeling rejected, or experiencing loss.

However, anger cannot exist without a target.

If you can imagine anger as an arrow, the feelings of pain or fear are what draws back the string. They provide the power behind the arrow. The target will either be the person they believe is the source of the pain or themselves.

Either way, anger is being used as a tool, like an arrow can be used as a weapon. The goal being to cut off the source of the pain or to distract from feeling it.

If your ex has said he hates you, then you would be the target and you can bet that your ex said it when he was feeling attacked or rejected.

“I hate you” is something you say with the intention of inflicting pain. So, either your ex is a sociopath, in which case, you’re better off, or he was simply lashing out.

Haven’t you ever told someone you hate them?

Was it ever someone you actually hate?

Not likely.

Why?

Because when you truly hate someone, it doesn’t matter if they know it or not. But, when you care about someone and they hurt you, it is almost impossible to fight the urge to want to lash out and hurt them back.

Did He Mean It

Every situation is different and I don’t know your ex. So let’s look at the factors that might play into your situation.

First, we need to consider what kind of person you are dealing with.

Is he the type of person that says stuff like this a lot? If so, then he doesn’t respect you and his goal is to hurt you or manipulate you. If this is the case and you still want him, then go through the full Recovery Program and when you get him back you have to renegotiate terms in the relationship. People only treat you the way you allow them to. If you want him to respect you, don’t allow him to be a part of your life if he doesn’t.

End of story.

You don’t hurt the people you love, especially not over and over again.

Walk away. End of story. If you are dead set on getting him back even after he continuously hurt you, you can go through the entire program, and when you DO get him back, you should be clear on what you expect from him. People treat us as poorly as we allow them to. Draw a line and stick to it.Will you stay if he ever treats you without respect again?

Will you stay if he ever treats you without respect again?

I hope each of you had this reaction to that question.

Now, every single other scenario can be boiled down to one of those three things we talked about earlier. It doesn’t matter if you broke up with him, if he broke up with you, if it was civil, or if you had a knock down drag out fight.

Anger spurs from pain or fear that comes from:

1、feeling attacked

2、feeling rejected

3、experiencing or facing loss

Now, is it a crappy way to express his feelings?

Absolutely.

But if he is feeling any of these emotions, then his sudden “hate” of you was either a temporary emotion, meant to be a protect him when he was feeling vulnerable. So, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Where do you go from here?

Understanding where he was coming from might make you want to talk it out.

Don’t.

This is NOT a “strike while the iron’s hot” moment.

It’s more like trying to pet an angry snake, it’ll only instigate the unpleasantness further.

Okay, not Gold, but success is as good as gold. right?